Member-only story
I thought I was above being triggered by alcohol
But I’m not.
When I go out to eat with my boyfriend or other friends, I prefer if they get a drink if they want to. Just because I’m sober doesn’t mean that everyone around me has to be. It actually makes me uncomfortable if they can’t be comfortable to order anything around me. I don’t really get triggered by other people drinking anyway, especially if they start to get drunk. It just reminds me of why I quit in the first place.
Until, the unexpected happened.
My boyfriend and I were at a ramen place, mainly because he wanted spicy soup and hot tea to get over his cold. But in a moment, he ordered hot sake instead. He said it was a panic order since we used to order that back when I drank.
I said it was fine and I really did feel like it was. We have a lot of beer at home that I don’t have the temptation to drink. And, I got a Topo Chico because there were not any non-alcoholic options that weren’t soda.
But the waiter brought two sake glasses over to us and placed one in front of me.
I’ve never wanted alcohol more in my months of sobriety than in that moment. The act of simply handing me a glass sent me into a spiral of maybes. Maybe I could have just a sip. Maybe sake won’t make me want to keep drinking. Maybe I won’t slip back…
