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On Why I Won’t Apologize For Being Too Emotional
It took years to finally feel something, you can’t take it away.
After a traumatic event and years of acting out when I was younger, it was recommended that I go to therapy. With one of my fears being toilets, this therapist made the decision to lock me in a bathroom that had one toilet with the lights turned off in some sort of twisted “exposure” therapy. It wouldn’t surprise anyone to find out that instead of helping me with current events and fears, this created more fear and chaos in my world. So I refused to see that therapist again and my parents obliged but only if things got better, if I stopped acting out.
The good child
So I got better at hiding my fears and I worked at bottling my emotions. And I remember the exact moment I decided to close myself off to my feelings completely.
I was riding my bike up and down the street as my parents watched from the porch when I fell off of the bike and on to my knees. When I looked down, I saw that my right knee had gotten the brunt of the impact, I could already see pieces of gravel deep in the wound and there was blood everywhere.
Holding my knee, I looked over at my parents as they silently waited for me to respond. So I didn’t. I willed myself not to cry…
