Member-only story
The Lies I Told in Active Addiction
How my addiction to alcohol made things so complicated.
Alcohol and I had a really toxic relationship, that spanned across multiple years. And no matter how badly I wanted to get away, I kept coming back to it, even when I didn’t mention it to anyone. It was cycle that I didn’t know how to get out of, and on my worst days, it made me into a liar. The lies piled on top of each other and the more I tried to quit, the worse they got.
I knew what I was doing wasn’t the best for me but it almost became a game at one point of what I could get away with, which I’m not proud of. They were not only lies I told others but lies I told myself. I wonder just how much I was actually getting away with now that I’m sober and have a clear head.
The headache is random
I would announce that I was quitting and then end up drinking again but couldn’t face the reality of admitting it to anyone. So that headache I had was now because of the weather, or because I didn’t have enough caffeine. If anyone knew that it was because of a hangover, I would have to go through the whole process of announcing that I was going sober and after awhile, I felt like no one would believe me. I truly wanted to quit and I felt that if enough people had given up on me, then I would lose the will to keep trying.
